


Spike's 10 Biggest Cock-ups

by Hello_Spikey



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: 10 Things, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-27
Updated: 2008-11-27
Packaged: 2019-06-15 13:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15413571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hello_Spikey/pseuds/Hello_Spikey
Summary: Uh, see title. *points*





	Spike's 10 Biggest Cock-ups

**Author's Note:**

> I did this for a prompt at **nekid_spike** and felt I should post it here, too, for ~~a fiction to do list~~ my own reference.

1\. Harmony.

The rebound from a century-long relationship isn’t pretty, but it’s no excuse.

2\. The Chip.

Not my fault, you say? There were plenty of vamps didn’t get caught, that’s all I’m saying. If I wasn’t standing on a hillside, doing the big bad pose and dramatic speech for my own enjoyment, maybe I’d have heard the big, fat jarhead behind me with the tazer.

Those boys have hearts like steam engines. I'm serious. Could hardly sleep around them. The random electric shocks and bright white lights didn't help, either.

3\. Letting the watcher chain me up.

Let ‘em have the upper hand, I thought. It’ll make them feel secure, I thought. They’re the bleedin’ white hats, there’ll be no danger, I thought.  
He’s a nice old bloke, bit dull, I thought.  
Yeah. Wrong on all counts.

4\. Helping Adam.

Sure he looked like the technological sort who could help a bloke with a chip in his head out, but the whole problem with the “evil” gig is that it’s every dick for himself, isn’t it? Also, speaking of dicks, that Walsh woman must have been looking long and hard for parts for old Mr. Chips. Dirty old tart. In a word: ouch.

5\. Marcus

Yeah, so, evil, every dick for himself, you get the picture. Besides having to spend almost a week in the creep’s company -- and he didn’t even get the job done. You expect a professional torturer to be able to do something a little more creative than the old hot-pokers gag. Next time, I’ll go with Monster.com.

6\. Free Virgin Blood Party.

There’s always a catch.

7\. Letting Dawn know I had handcuffs. Sneaky little… uh, I mean, just a joke. Ha. Very funny. No one stake the vampire for making an underage sex joke? Did I say ‘sex joke’? I meant ‘bondage’… no, I meant…

Bollocks.

8\. Going Blonde.

Thought I’d be all punk without looking like candy, yeah? But ever since poofters have been after my arse like it was sugar-coated. Don’t want to go back to brown, though, because then Angel’s even grabbier than he already is, and I still object to any color that can appear on a troll doll. Hence, still blonde.

9\. Telling Angel I was an altar boy.

Yeah, who knew the poof had vestments in his closet?

Yeah, okay, not a surprise. Shut up. Sometimes you just talk without thinking, all right? Anyway, took me weeks to escape from that abandoned church.

10\. Trying to ride a motorcycle to Uganda.

Quit your laughing. Yes, I have looked at a map once or twice. Just never could save my dosh. A non-stop flight from LA to Mogadishu would have been the thing, but the fare is criminal and they won’t let me take my lighter. No smoking for ten hours? Inhumane. So, I thought I’d just use what I had, yeah? Big, heroic quests require a bit of leg-work.

In case you’re wondering – no it doesn’t work. Turns out engines need air.

That was a nice bike, too.


End file.
